How to recognize signs of bullying, support your child, and work with the school to stop it.
"When my son finally told me what was happening at school, I felt helpless. But learning how to advocate for him and support him emotionally made all the difference. He's thriving again."
— Emmanuel, father of a 10-year-old son
Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and is repeated (or has the potential to be repeated) over time. It's not a one-time conflict or disagreement between peers of equal power.
The three key characteristics of bullying:
Bullying takes many forms. Understanding the different types helps you identify what your child may be experiencing:
Children often don't tell adults they're being bullied. They may feel ashamed, fear retaliation, or worry that adults won't help. Look for these signs:
It's painful to consider, but addressing it early is crucial for your child's development and the safety of others.
If you suspect your child is bullying: "I've noticed some behaviors that concern me. Let's talk about what's been happening. I'm not here to punish you—I want to understand and help you make better choices."
Create a safe space for your child to share. Don't interrupt, minimize, or rush to solutions.
"That sounds really painful. I'm so sorry this is happening. It's not your fault."
Emphasize that home is a safe haven. "You are loved. You belong here. We will get through this together."
Don't take over completely. Ask: "What would help you feel safer? What do you want to happen?"
Work collaboratively with the school. Document everything. Follow up persistently.
This moment matters enormously. Your response will determine whether they continue to confide in you.
Your child needs your steady presence, not your outrage. Take a deep breath. "Thank you for telling me. That took courage."
Don't interrupt with questions. Let them tell their story in their own words. Nod, make eye contact, show you're present.
"That sounds really hard. No one deserves to be treated that way. I believe you." (Avoid: "I'm going to call that kid's parents right now!")
"Can you tell me more about what happened? Who was involved? Where did it happen? How often?"
"What would help you feel safer right now? What do you want to happen next?" Involve them in the plan.
"Let's figure out our next steps together. I'm going to contact the school, but I want you to know what I'm doing."
What NOT to say: "Just ignore them." "What did you do to provoke it?" "You need to stand up for yourself." "It's not that bad."
What TO say: "I'm so glad you told me." "This is not your fault." "We'll figure this out together." "You deserve to feel safe at school."
Teach your child to respond assertively (not aggressively):
"I don't like it when you call me that. Please stop." "I want you to leave me alone."
Agree with any truth in the insult without getting defensive. This takes the power away.
Bully: "You're so stupid!" Child: "Yeah, I made a mistake on that test." (Calm, then walk away.)
Bullies want a reaction. A bored, uninterested response deflates them.
Shrug. Say "Whatever." or "Okay." Then turn and talk to someone else.
Bullies target isolated children. Encourage your child to stay near friends or in groups, especially in vulnerable areas (hallways, playground, bus).
Work with your child to identify 2-3 trusted adults at school they can go to. Know where the safe spaces are (counselor's office, library).
Practice makes prepared. Role-play different scenarios so your child has responses ready. Switch roles—let them be the bully sometimes to understand the dynamic.
Write down dates, times, locations, what happened, who was involved, and any witnesses. Keep a log.
Schedule a meeting. Be calm and collaborative: "I'm concerned about something happening in class. Can we work together to address it?"
If bullying continues, contact the school counselor, principal, or district office. Put concerns in writing.
Ask for specific accommodations: changed seating, supervised transitions, check-ins with counselor, alternative lunch/recess arrangements.
Schools have a legal obligation to provide a safe learning environment. Familiarize yourself with the school's anti-bullying policy.
Sample email to teacher: "Dear [Teacher], I wanted to let you know that [Child] has been experiencing some difficulties with [describe briefly]. I'd appreciate the opportunity to discuss this with you and see how we can work together to support [Child]. Please let me know a convenient time to meet or talk. Thank you for your help."
Take screenshots of all messages, posts, or images. Don't delete anything—this is your documentation.
Block the bully on all platforms. Report the behavior to the platform (Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, gaming platforms).
Responding fuels the fire. Teach your child: "Don't reply. Don't retaliate. Save it and show me."
Help your child set accounts to private. Review friend/follower lists together. Remove anyone who isn't a real friend.
Sometimes stepping away from social media for a period can provide relief and perspective.
Beyond stopping the bullying, help your child rebuild confidence and find their strength:
| Instead of this... | Try this... | Because... |
|---|---|---|
| Confronting the bully or their parents directly | Working through official school channels | Direct confrontation can escalate and backfire |
| Telling your child to "hit back" | Teaching assertive, non-violent responses | Violence often escalates and gets your child in trouble |
| Dismissing or minimizing ("It's not that bad") | Validating their experience | Minimizing makes them feel unheard and alone |
| Blaming your child ("What did you do?") | Reinforcing that bullying is never the target's fault | Blame adds shame to an already painful experience |
| Taking over completely without involving your child | Partnering with your child in the process | They need to feel some sense of agency and control |
| Expecting immediate resolution | Being persistent and patient | Bullying situations can take time to resolve |
Consider therapy if your child:
Therapy can help with:
"Bullying Incident Log" - Printable documentation tracker
Includes: Incident log template, school communication script, safety plan worksheet
StopBullying.gov - Additional resources
"Bullying is not a rite of passage. It's not 'kids being kids.' It's a serious issue that requires adult intervention, compassion, and a commitment to creating safe environments for all children."
Your advocacy and presence are powerful protective factors for your child.
Our child therapists can help your child process their experience, rebuild confidence, and develop coping strategies.
Schedule a ConsultationOr call us at +256 706 537 086 to discuss how we can support your family